*sigh*

I'm depressed.
I've hit the low of the bi-polar swing.
This sucks.

Can you feel the rocks?

This is it. We managed to make it float for over 3 months after we were put out. We have struggled to find a stable place to live and a steady job to pay the bills. After doing all we can, we can do no more. We have reached rock bottom. After Thursday morning we will have nowhere to stay, no family to help us, no community programs to prevent us from living out of our vehicle, no income to support us. It's scary and that's all. From where I am right now, there is no hope, there is no maybe we can figure something out, nothing.
The heat here tops out at 100+ degrees every day and we have no air conditioning in the car. We are slowly finding places to store most of our things and giving away others. We still have two dogs, one cat and two guinea pigs. Even though it will be painful, we are working on finding homes for all but one of our dogs. We also have no cell phone. It's amazing how much better I would feel if my phone was at least still working. The city we live in can be dangerous during the day and frightening at night when your windows are down and your car is parked somewhere the cops won't scoot you out from.
Maybe this will be the rock bottom that some people hit before heading back up. Maybe this is it, this is what is left for us. All I know is I'm drowning, way down here at the rock bottom.

Thy will be done...

I'm so depressed. Being the situation is what it is, I'm not shocked. Any one else, even someone who is better equipped, would at least have the blues.
I probably haven't made myself feel any better by taking myself off of one of my daily medications. In the long run though, it will be worth it. The side effects I was dealing with didn't balance with any good it might of been doing for me. So I'm down to one depression medication, which I will be out of soon if I don't make an appointment with a doctor. One more thing to be dealt with when I would rather be hiding in a dark hole.
She is out of jail, which has helped a bit. I love her, she comforts me. It feels good to have someone with me who can suffer with me. As sick as that sounds. But as everyone knows, misery loves company. But on the good side, our legal troubles could be over at last. We only have to deal with another 4 weeks of intense monitoring which will cost us $60. Fortunately, we have already managed to get that money together pretty quick. At least one financial woe taken care of.
Visiting my babies Saturday will probably not happen. Their guardians are making things pretty difficult. It seems like they feel that they can make up stipulations for me to meet before I can see them. I'll be contacting the court to determine what if anything can be done about it. I haven't been able to see them for two, going on three, weeks. I miss them so much, I've almost become numb to the intense pain in my heart. It seems if I let myself feel all of the pain I might just go insane, get lost in it.
The only thing I feel safe taking some satisfaction in right is the fact that I have a decent shot at a job. A very nice woman who I became acquainted with at my last job offered for me to put in an application and she told me she had already talked to the management. I prayed as hard as I could that whatever He felt should be done, what was best for me, for us, be done. And even promised Him I would do whatever I could to make this happen for me if He felt it was right.
Maybe.